Editor’s Note: Our friends at A-State Fan Rules have more than a plan for picking the perfect NCAA Tournament Bracket – They’ve got a plan for spending the billion bucks. Oh, and for a less than-perfect bracket, but all of the bragging rights, you can join the Sporting Life Arkansas NCAA Bracket Challenge here.
You likely know that professional rich guy Warren Buffet and his best friends at Quicken Loans are offering $1,000,000,000 to the person who submits the perfect NCAA Basketball Tournament bracket – and that the odds of winning are about as good as Madison Avenue changing its name to Red Wolf Boulevard.
Despite the overwhelming odds, the contest begs the question: What would A-State do with a billion bucks?
Like any institution of learning, A-State could always use more money. And unlike some universities in the state, we haven’t the pockets of Walmart to fund a stadium or business program.
Honestly, winning Buffet’s loose change is our biggest hope of funding some of the cool stuff A-State needs to compete in the 21st century. What are those needs? Let’s examine.
1. A Really, Really, Really Big Stadium Scoreboard. A couple years ago, the university in northwest Arkansas erected a 166′ x 38′ stadium scoreboard, which is currently the 3rd largest in all of college football. Therefore, we recommend a 332′ x 76′ scoreboard for Centennial Bank Stadium. After all, a program with twice as many wins deserves a scoreboard that’s twice as obnoxious.
2. On Campus Bowling Lanes. Somehow, A-State has managed to build the nation’s #1 bowling program without a single lane on campus. We propose we build said lane so that it passes right beneath the A&M College Arch in the center of campus so that it’s extra bad ass.
3. A Space Program. You know what’s cool? Astronauts. Any university can churn out doctors and lawyers. With a little vision and a lot of cash, we could be the only school in the state training spacemen.
4. The A-State Fan Rules Mega Battle Colosseum. We like the unimaginatively moniker-ed Convocation Center as much as the next guy, but we wouldn’t mind seeing it imploded and replaced with a kick-ass basketball center in its place. Not only would it be named after us, it would also have a practice facility.
5. Jet Packs for Every Student. Yeah, iPads are nice. But what really recruits top-tier students are jet packs. Who cares if jet pack technology has yet to be perfected? We’ll exchange a few crippling jet pack injuries for higher enrollment any day.
6. A-State Hawaii. Listen, we’re all impressed with that Mexico campus. But are we missing an opportunity to serve the lucrative Hawaiian market? We think so.
7. Baseball Indoor Training Facility. Guys, we had to borrow Jonesboro High’s indoor facility during the ice storm this year. Furthermore, my kids’ Little League has an indoor facility. THE LITTLE LEAGUE! Can’t we put up a little building for our Red Wolves to field grounders without getting frostbite or pneumonia?
8. Statue of Me. Listen, if I’m going to give A-State a billion dollars, I want a statue of me. Driving a tank. Made of sharks. And it’s got to be cast from solid gold and taller than any building on campus. Also, it must play “Hungry Like the Wolf” every time somebody walks by it. Which will be often, because it’s going right in front of the A-State Fan Rules Center (formerly known as The Carl Reng Center).
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Well, how do you plan to spend your $1 billion dollars for your perfect NCAA Tournament Bracket?
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